Election day is almost here and thank goodness! After November 6th we can perhaps look forward to some respite before those tiresome political commercials are replaced by equally tiresome holiday commercials.  Or perhaps not.  In any event, I hope my readers have appreciated that  my blogs have been non-political.  At least until right now!

I am calling for more government regulation.  Stop shouting, women of the Tea Party, and hear me out.  There is an industry out there that has a long history of deceptive practices, especially where female consumers are concerned.  As such, I am demanding a federal investigation into the villains who size women’s clothing, followed by the establishment of some uniform guidelines!

Someone has to take a stand on standardization.  For too long the fashion industry has been playing mind games with our bodies and our self-esteem.  For the sake of our mental health and our pursuit of happiness, there must be consistency.

It should make no difference into which store I happen to wander, or which brand of clothing I decide to try on.  If the size tag has a number on it, and it’s my number, that should guarantee that the waistband will close without a struggle, no matter whose dressing room I happen to be in.

It is morally reprehensible that in the span of an afternoon’s shopping trip, it is possible to be a size .5 in Chico’s and a 12 in some fancy designer boutique.  (I couldn’t possibly have eaten that much for lunch!  And what is Size .5 anyway?)  It is imperative that we put an end to the pain and suffering caused by these mixed messages!

And what about those garments marked simply “Small,” “Medium,” or “Large?” There, my friends, lies a vast potential for utter confusion.  If, like me, you are a size “Small” at Eileen Fisher and a “Large” or even “Extra-Large” at Ralph Lauren, you understand.  (Of course, my personal familiarity with these labels comes only from discount stores.)  And shopping from catalogs? Even worse.  What are we supposed to make of the following:  Medium (8-10)?  Doesn’t L. L. Bean realize that there is a ten-pound differential between an 8 and a 10?  And the claim that “One Size Fits All.”  Really?

Perhaps the biggest offenders of all are the European imports. You know, the beautiful dresses with the mysterious numbers that appear on their size labels, numbers like 40, 42, 44.  They would have us believe that their size 42 is the equivalent of an American Size 8.  Give me a break!  We all know that fashion houses like Dior and Armani design clothing for tall, thin women without hips.  Size 8 indeed!  To rectify this, a strong  government position is required.   Possibly even the threat of sanctions against future trade.

And gentlemen, this is not merely a woman’s issue.  How often have you tried on a beautiful European shirt that you thought was your size, and were unable to close the button that draws the fabric over your belly?   Humiliating, right?

As a nation, we have always strived to protect consumers.  Shouldn’t we have at least as much government control of garment sizes, as say, the regulations that require disclosure of the contents of a fast-food burger, or the size of a sugary beverage?.

So, in conclusion, I am appealing to our next President.  On Day One, before you do or do not repeal national health care, you must sign a bill compelling conformity in the designation of size tags.  Perhaps even a constitutional amendment.  Michelle and Ann, help!  I’m sure you get what I mean.

(This blog was paid for by The Committee for Truth in Sizing and it approves this message.)

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