Dear Friends,

Perhaps you’ve noticed my recent absence from your inbox.  Some of you may be relieved.  Others may have conjectured that my life has become so perfect I have nothing left to complain about, hence I stopped writing.  My guess is that most of you have gone about your business and haven’t noticed at all.

Well, whether you’re among the haves or the have nots, I’m here to make it official.  After 13 years of doing my best to elevate kvetching to an art form, I’ve decided it was time to hang out my “Gone Fishin’” sign.  (Actually, I don’t very much care for fishing.) To paraphrase Ecclesiastes and The Byrds, “to everything there is a season, and a time for every purpose.”  Hopefully, I’ve successfully fulfilled my purpose: demonstrating that an occasional whine is good for one’s health.

Over the past 52 seasons my essays have run the gamut from complaining about my marriage, about the indignities of aging, social norms, and Barry Manilow fan-shaming.  I’ve questioned the need for electric toilets, and why anyone would want to apply a wrinkle cream made from an artichoke, to mention a few.

I’ve been told that some of my fan favorites have been my quizzes, especially the end-of-the-year stupid drug names test.  So, I thought it was only fitting that I wrap up my essay career challenging you with the 10 most unpronounceable new medications approved during 2025.  Warning: Attempting to articulate the following may cause damage to dental implants!

AVMAPKI FAKZYNIA

  1. The country just south of Burkina Faso
  2. Or north of Djibouti
  3. The national dish of Kyrgzstan
  4. B, definitely B

PENPULIMAB-KCQX

  1. A radio station in Penpulimab
  2. Second cousin of Mr. Mxyzptlk, one of Superman’s arch enemies
  3. The winning word in a game of Extreme Scrabble
  4. A?

QFITLIA

  1. A custom-made ear swab for someone named Lia
  2. Sporting equipment used in a game of Fitlia
  3. AILTIFQ spelled backwards
  4. None of the above

NUZOLVENCE

  1. The latest version of Zolvence
  2. A Jewish mother asking her slacker son Zolvence when he will get off the couch and get a job
  3. Immigrants from Zolvence resettling in a foreign land
  4. None of the above

KYGEVVI

  1. Prehistoric ancestor of an Australian bird
  2. The tool used to unlock a Gevvi
  3. The product of mating a Korean auto with an all-American car
  4. Are we there yet?

ROMVIMZA

  1. The scrambled name of famous science fiction author
  2. The feminine conjugation of a romvimzo
  3. A new pasta company
  4. Help!

GOMEKLI

  1. What you say when you want Mekli to leave
  2. Cheering for your team at Mekli High
  3. A popular Russian dish similar to galuptsi
  4. C

FORZINITY

  1. A singer dedicating his next song to Zinity
  2. Having multiple Nissan luxury cars
  3. The number following Threezinity
  4. I’m getting a headache

HERNEXEOS

  1. The Greek god of anatomical bulges
  2. A nexeos belonging to that woman
  3. Hern’s former husbands
  4. Where’s the Advil?

BLUJEPA

  1. A jepa who just received some bad news
  2. A rare bird in the Jay family
  3. An unconventional army vehicle
  4. Who cares?

And honorable mention goes to Imaavy, Voyxact, and Hyrnuo, all of which are causing my Spell Check a nervous breakdown. And yes, these are all real drugs.  Who could make this up?

From my house to yours, I wish you a happy and healthy New Year.  Thank you for your support.  It’s been a great run.  Couldn’t have done it without you!

Humor Blogs