TV watchers — do you channel-surf during commercials? If so, I suggest you lay down that remote. Immediately. Because the secrets to a better, richer and more fulfilling life are about to be revealed and you don’t want to miss out! There are products out there, products you had no idea you even needed, that can significantly change the trajectory of your future.
I too, was once like you. Until the day I dropped the remote between the couch cushions and was forced to listen to a commercial. It was for a luxury car, and it inferred that I could become a better pool player if I purchased a Lincoln. Quite frankly, I always felt really badly about my pool game, and had this eerie feeling that the announcer was talking directly to my insecurity. Therefore, I plan to reconsider my next auto purchase. Although I was contemplating a smaller, more efficient car, I surely don’t want to live the rest of my life behind the eight ball!
From that fateful moment when the remote sunk further into the upholstery, I became a convert. It was as if some divine intervention placed that gadget just out of my immediate reach and forced me to heed the Word! And I am so glad I did. Now, most of life’s little mysteries have been reasonably, and obviously, explained.
For example, I admit to suffering from travel anxiety that is not related to fear of flying. I have successfully repressed the reality that this 735,000-pound machine is floating through the clouds with nothing but some rule of physics keeping it aloft. Yet, I worry every time we plan a trip, and the basis of such worry has always alluded me.
I even made a checklist of possible fret-worthy sources: the taxi I take to the airport will either a) have a flat tire, or b) get stuck in traffic and I’ll miss my flight; I’ll make the flight, but it will be delayed and I’ll miss my connecting flight; my in-flight entertainment screen will go dark; the man sitting next to me will fall asleep and snore for the entire length of the trip; I will murder the man sitting next to me because his snoring has become unbearable and the FBI will board the plane upon landing and arrest me. But none of those explanations, however feasible, ever felt quite right. And now, thanks to a recurring TV commercial, I have the answer. All along, the culprit was my suitcase!
The commercial told me outright that every time I travel, the genesis of my angst was, in fact, deep concern about my suitcase! Duh! (head slap.) Of course! My suitcase was ripe for so many potential disasters. It could tear. The zipper could break, revealing my not-so-sexy lingerie. A wheel could fall off. And it’s perfectly useless when it comes to charging my phone. It’s so clear now. All I have to do is buy an Away suitcase with the money I’ve been spending on therapy, and my travel anxiety will vanish. My Away suitcase will have room for my excessive packing, will never break, and comes with a lifetime guarantee. At my age, that should entitle me to a discount. I’m going to the luggage store this afternoon and negotiate.
Permit me to share another valuable lesson learned from a 30-second program interlude. Do you ever have a feeling of ill-being that goes all the way down to your toes? Do you worry that you might be depressed, or are walking around with a low-grade fever? Do you have free-floating anxiety and think it’s because you forgot to turn off the coffee maker? Take it from me, it’s none of these. The problem is your socks! That’s right. Your socks! You’ve probably been oblivious to that little seam that runs across your toes. Well, let me assure you that it’s been making you miserable.
I know you’ve been wearing socks on your little piggies since you were six months old, but they’ve been all wrong. Please don’t blame your mother. She didn’t know any better. I’ve already forgiven mine. But as soon as I heard that commercial, I knew my life could be perfect if only I owned a pair of Bombas socks.
Forget everything you’ve ever thought about socks. (Who thinks about socks?) The geniuses at Bombas set out to change all that. After years of research into what makes feet happy, they came up with the perfect sock. These socks stay up, keep you dry, and hug your tootsies. And what foot couldn’t use a good hug now and then? So buy a pair of Bombas and don’t give another thought to your socks. Instead, you can now skip happily through your day, just doing your thing!
And, finally, I’d be remiss if I didn’t share life lessons learned from Mike Lindell, the creator of the divinely-inspired My Pillow. Did you know that your morning aches and pains have nothing to do with the number of candles on your birthday cake? All along, you’ve been suffering from a condition known as Flat Pillow Syndrome, or FPS. But Mike took care of all that the night God appeared to him in a dream and told him to make an infomercial. So listen to Mike. Buy his pillow and you can say good bye to AM headaches, stiff necks, and hangovers. While you’re at it, get one for your dog, too.
I hope these examples have convinced you to ignore that itchy trigger finger when it comes to flipping channels. The next time you hear the announcer state “We’ll be right back after this…” please stay tuned. Because the “this” that follows may just be life-changing. The “this” might just solve a problem you don’t even know you have!